Ken: He's Not Gay, He's Plastic

Okay-I warned you it was going to happen and here it is .........my Ken blog. If Barbie speaks volumes on our ideas about gender roles and femininity; what does Ken say? Does he represent our ideal American man ? Probably not. Does he represent prepubescent girl's idea of manhood. Maybe. After all, creating boy dolls for little girls has always been tricky, in large part because most kids aren't that interested in playing with children their own age of the opposite sex. Of course there are exceptions, and any more pre-tweens tend to have one or two friends of  a different gender, but still mostly they hang out in groups of the same sex. Barbie's popularity, however, revolves around pretending to be grown up-and for heterosexual little girls the fantasy of adult life generally involves a boyfriend or a husband. Still- little girl's generally aren't attracted to overtly masculine dolls-they're either gross or they remind them too much of their own father's or other family members. Chest and facial hair is especially repellent to little girls which is why Chest Hair Magic Ken probably won't be in the works anytime soon. (Though Mattel has experimented with beards and sideburns as you'll see in some of the commercials below). All in all young girls are more attracted to softer looking almost effeminate looking men who appear cute but also safe and asexual. I'm referring to not only dolls but teen heartthrobs as well- even current teen icons. Take a good look at Justin Beiber, his  face is not unlike  the Ken doll of the 60s.

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You have to remember that Ken is a fashion doll, and from a business perspective his function is to sell outfits. Preferably a large number of outfits.

Okay-so the guy's a clotheshorse-so are tons of straight guys. Yet it's hard to buy early Barbie and Ken as an items. Barbie looks like a sexually mature woman-more like a thirty something Jane Mansfield than a high school junior. Ken on the other hand actually looks like a gangley teenage boy. (Remember when Miley Cyrus dated that hunky adult model when she was fifteen? ) If this isn't confusing enough Barbie and Ken's relationship became even more questionable once Midge's boyfriend Alan came into the picture.

Doesn't it seem like Ken and Allen spend more time with each other than they do with their girls? They do do "everything together". And sharing clothes? How many dudes borrow each other's threads on a regular basis. However  if you need more proof Ken and Allen's relationship is more than your average bromance take a look at Allan's packaging.

Um, so Ken and Allen are 'buddies'; it says so on the box about five hundred times-though the packaging makes me wonder what exactly the term 'buddy' means. Seriously-is this not the gayest thing you've ever seen? It looks like the cover of one of the vintage gay pulp novels where two teenage boys at summer camp discover their sexuality by experimenting with each other. ---- I'm not gonna lie, I get a little turned on thinking about it. Of course I'm looking at it through a 2011 lens, and I'm sure the dolls were never intended to be gay-but today the relationship seems about as subtle as Arthur and Eames in Inception. I totally ship it.

When Barbie got a make-over in the late 60s, so did Ken. Barbie's new face made her look younger and less um.......cosmopolitan. Ken's on the other hand made him look more manly.

I'm not sure the overhaul of Ken' appearence worked exactly the way Mattel had hoped. Now Barbie looks like a teenager-or at least a college student and Ken looks and sound like a creepy uncle. I'm not sure whether he seems gay, or straight.....personally I would say undiscriminating. I certainly would never leave him alone with Barbie, and I wouldn't let him near Skipper.

Then came the 70s which was a rough time to be a male fashion doll. Overt masculinity was in and as I stated above- manlieness doesn't play to little girls. The major sex symbol of the day was Burt Reynolds all sideburns and facial hair. Here's a little reminder of how BR looked in the 70s. Warning: It may haunt your dreams:

Obviously-that is not a look appropriate for Ken. To make matters worse- Ken had always had a potential rival for Barbie's affection, (depending on whether or not the little girl who owned him had a brother) in G.I. Joe.

Talk about butch. While Ken was stuck being an accessory to his girlfriend Joe got to have adventures and cool jobs.

I wonder if Astronaut Joe was part of the mission that went to the moon with Astronaut Barbie. (The first astronaut Joe appeared in the 60s as well). As far as I know there has never been an astronaut Ken, which means poor Ken was waiting for Barbie at home while she was probably hitting it with Astronaut Joe in space.

Now I realize I said girls don't like gruff, masculine dolls; but a boy doll is a boy doll and if Barbie and Midge need a companion for a night out-stealing Joe from your brother's room is a quick fix. Of course I could be wrong about pre pubescent girls' male doll prefences. I know several women from my mother's generation who did integrate Joes into their Barbie play. In fact, the reason Hasbro's stopped making Ken size Joes is they didn't want the doll to be confused with a 'girl toy'. Maybe there's a more sinister reason early 60s Ken was so effeminate. Perhaps Mattel wanted to 'protect' little girls from adult male sexuality. After all ,the male executives at Mattel turned down Barbie creator Ruth Handler's original idea to make Ken anatomically correct. The famous 'bump' was a compromise between a penis and painted on underwear.

Even though Ken would never be as tough (or hairy) as the Joes, Mattel has always changed with the times and they did make an effort to make Ken a more happening 70s dude.

Does anyone else find it disturbing that bearded Ken is a villain? Is he going to tie Barbie to the train tracks or what? He apparently learned nothing from the bearded Joes who had facial hair and were heroes. Still, this Rapey Bearded Ken is alot more masculine than Beiber Ken, and still less frightening than Talking Molester Ken.

Ken's brief foray into heterosexual butchitude didn't last long. The plastic hair came back and the choice of  facial hair disappeared in the 80s and early 90s. One has to wonder if the questions surrounding Ken's sexuality have to do with his choice of professions.

He's been a ballroom dancer:

An ice skater:

And a movie Star:

Now I'm not saying there aren't straight ice skaters, actors, or dancers but the ones who look like Ken generally aren't the guys who get Natalie Portman pregnant. I mean----did you see that wardrobe? He's practically a Scott Thompson Character.

Ken's butchest moment in the 80s probably came when he was in Barbie's 'Jem & The Holograms' knock-off band 'The Rockers'



Of course he's still wearing pink. Is it any wonder I think the other guy in the band is way cuter?

Then came the mid and late 90s where Mattel tried facial hair again. However this doll looked less like a cross between Warren Beatty and Burt Reynolds and more like Brian Austin Green, making him allegedly more palatable to little girls. (Did a wee Megan Fox play with this doll?)

Okay-I never watched 90210 but I do think this is one of the cutest Ken dolls ever made. Maybe it's the hair.

Like any with-it 90s dude, Ken was still in touch with his sensitive side-apparently he's a great babysitter.



Considering the age difference between Ken and his little bro I'll guess his parents are divorced and this is the child from his father's second marriage to a much younger woman. Topical indeed Mattel.

Ken-of course-being a confirmed bachelor can't have children of his own. Almost all their friends are married and yet after fifty some years of dating Barbie still refuses to tie the knot, ( though she has no problem modeling the occasional wedding dress). Midge had no qualms marrying Alan in 1991 and later having a child with him. (That pregnant Barbie Wal-mart scandal-that was actually 'Happy Family Midge' and even though she didn't have a wedding ring on she was and is still married to 'Happy Family Alan').  Indeed Barbie and Ken are the Oprah and Steadman of the toy world. Maybe Barbie's afraid if she and Ken get married then divorced  he'll take her for half of the all the money she's earned from her multitude of high paying jobs. Barbie's reluctance to walk down the isle with Ken may be one of the reason the two broke up in a much publicized PR stunt created by Mattel in 2004.

Oddly enough in a commercial for a Barbie bride doll in 2008 she appears to be marrying someone who's NOT Ken. In fact the doll's name is 'Groom doll'. WTF?

Wait a minute----isn't that the other guys from 'The Rockers'? I told you he was the cute one. However, Barbie's first rebound relationship was with a surfer named Blaine. An odd choice for an astronaut, teacher, vet, physician, movie star, president---is G.I. Joe no longer single?

Luckily for Ken  ha and Barbie did get back together this Valentine's day.http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/41534939/ns/today-today_fashion_and_beauty/ Perhaps one of the core reasons for their reconciliation was their romantic subplot in 2010's Toy Story 3. Hey even Kate Middleton and Prince William took a little break.

If that isn't love at first sight I don't know what is. Barbie and Ken may just be the most romantic Disney couple since Beauty and Beast. (In case you're wondering Ken's  in Toy Story 3 is actually 'Animal Lovin' Ken' from 1988).



Turns out Ken wasn't gay after all-just metrosexual. Sure he occasionally wears matching outfits with his girlfriend but don't Will Smith and David Beckham do the same things with their wives; and has anyone ever questioned their sexuality?  He's a sensitive guy who loves animals, his little brother, pastels and Barbie. Too bad I still ship him with Alan.

Flashback Fridays: Barbie Flake or Feminist, Pt.1

I just finished reading M.G.Lord's Forever Barbie An Unauthorized History of A Real Doll. Lord's approach was refreshing because she's a bit of a fan of the doll-yet she's not blind to some of Barbie more Bimboesque incarnations. She also is not so anti-Barbie that she ignores the pioneering work of Barbie's creator Ruth Handler, or Barbie's contributions to little girl's (and some boys') play. All in all it's a fair and interesting 'biography' and one I would recommend to book clubs around the country. The book's greatest problem is that it was written in 1994 before Barbie's body was changed to have more realistic measurements.....and more importantly before the great Barbie/Bratz wars of the auts.

For Flashback Friday, (once again not posted on an actual Friday), I've decided to put up some classic Barbie television ads to look at her evolution from teenage fashion model, (yeah she was supposed to be sixteen in the sixties), to  the 'We Girls Can Do Anything" as long as it involves wearing pink Barbie of the 80s. I Give You:
A Short History Of  Barbie As Told In Commercials



The Mattel Company's were advertising pioneers they were the first toy company to directly appeal to children via television. This ad was first aired on The Mickey Mouse Club.

The whole basis of the doll was to act as a three dimensional paper doll----i.e. a doll you could put lots of different clothes on.  Barbie's bizarre dimensions (copied from a novelty doll in Germany), are the best measurements to display clothes on a miniature model. If Barbie had measurements like a real women-even an almost perfect woman-the clothes would look odd. I'm sure no one could have known at the time that later Barbie would be accused of giving women low self-esteem-especially since the whole idea was to create a doll with a career that showed little girls they did not have to grow up to be wives and mothers.  However it's obvious that Mattel knew exactly what they were doing when they promoted Barbie's glamorous lifestyle.

Innocent stuff but you can see where Barbie would later be criticized for inducting girls into a consumerist culture. There's more than a little truth in the popular ' 90s T-shirt and bumper sticker slogan "I wanna be Barbie that bitch has everything!"

Of course as Barbie became more and more popular Mattel had to release more and more products to keep children and parents interested. Interestingly enough this little theater set is not so different from the puppet theaters they sell in 'educational' toy stores today.

Barbie's received tons of flack over the years for encouraging girls to stay in the subservient sex role so it's interesting to note that Handler never caved when the pressure was repeatedly put on her to marry Barbie off ,and give her children. Handler slyly created babysitter Barbie so she could have small children to play with. She did give her a boyfriend-though really Ken is about as disposable as anyone of her accessories. (Not to mention Ken's sexuality as been called in to question repeatedly over the years. Move over Midge---many of us suspect Ken may really be Barbie's best girlfriend).

Far warning y'all a follow up Ken blog is in the works!

Mattel didn't just make Barbie appealing by continually updating her clothes and accessories, but through innovations in materials they improved the doll's flexibility by making her easier to play with.

Barbie & Co's bendable legs may not be that impressive now - but it was big stuff back in the 60s.

Then of course there was Twist n Turn Barbie in '67 complete with a new face mold. Barbie no longer looked like an Aryan dominatrix but a fresh faced young woman you might see lounging on the beach.

The beach of course is often thought of  as Barbie's main habitat and I place the blame squarely on Malibu Barbie's oddly brown shoulders. True, the original Barbie came in a swimsuit but Malibu Barbie in the early 70s cemented Barbie's reputation as a beachcomber.

If you'd like to see just how many accessories and friends Barbie had amassed in the 70s all you have to do is watch this next video-though-fair warning-it's a long one.

I'll admit there's something a tad 'Stepford' in that Barbie video that gives me the willies.

You may have noticed a surprising lack of pink in all the commercials thus far-that's because Barbie didn't decide on a favorite color until the '80s when Mattel realized pink is the color that tests best with little girls. Yep, I love Barbie but we can blame her for the over saturation of pink in little girl culture. However while Barbie may have done everything while wearing pink-she was doing some pretty amazing things. The working girl movement of the 80s led to Barbie getting some nifty jobs. Perhaps the niftiest being  an astronaut.

Okay so she likes to go to the discotech and shake her groove thing in a fluffy dress after work.....if you were stuck in zero gravity drinking your own urine and not showering for months you'd want to pretty yourself up and go dancing to. Hey it's not like she kidnapped a rival for Ken's affection and dumped her in the trunk of her car. (Too soon?) I should note that Barbie was actually an astronaut in the 60s-in a far more realistic suit. For the 60s that was down right radical, yet when Barbie is criticized it's almost never brought up, she was in space almost 20 years before an actual female astronaut.

On of the most popular Barbie's of the 80s was day -to -night Barbie, a business woman complete with shoulder pads

In case you've been watching with the sound off the 80s were the time of the 'We Girls Can Do Anything, Right Barbie' ad campaign. However the 80s were also  a decade of excess, and while Mattel stopped short of releasing Bret Easton Ellis Barbie she certainly had an affluent lifestyle.

  So is Barbie a flake or an important feminist icon? Talk amongst yourselves until I put up part 2 of this blog...which will be.....whenever I damn well feel like it. Hell, Barbie told me I could do whatever I wanted.

Pop Culture Wants You To Believe Men Are Dogs

Men are sex crazed horn dogs who become babbling idiots when up against a nice pair of breasts--- at least that's what pop culture wants us to believe. Look at the new movie Hall Pass which earned a gabillion dollars opening weekend, (okay-I'm inflating the figure slightly-but you get the idea). In the film two men played by Jason Sudeikis and Owen Wilson are so obsessed with sex their wives (Jenna Fischer and Kelly Bundy) give them permission to sleep with other women over a weekend-or a week or..... something. I'm not completely clear on the facts because I haven't seen the movie.

 1) it looks stupid
 2) the plot was funnier as an arc on Curb Your Enthusiasm where the only reason Sheryl gave her husband the OK to have sex with another woman was because she knew he was too neurotic to seal the deal......and in true Larry fashion he was.
3) I'd rather not endorse a film that makes married women out to be sex loathing harpies
 4) Maybe if no one sees these paint by number comedies talented actors will actually appear in movies more deserving of A-list talent. (Why Christina Applegate and Sudeikis chose to do this movie after the refreshing Going the Distance I'll never know.)

Now-even though I have not seen the movie I can venture a guess as to what happens-our hapless heroes realize casual sex with vapid twenty-somethings isn't all it's cracked up to be and they come home with a new appreciation for their wives. Happy Ending. Role Credits. Blah, blah, blah...............Guess what-it doesn't really matter how the movie ends because it's the television ads and trailer that put butts in the seat. There may be a moral at the end of the rainbow but the audience is coming to see hilarious shenanigans that ensue when men get a break from marriage! Yeay!  (The TV commercial is particularly offensive because it features the men making fun of an attractive women with a strange, large nose. Correct me if I'm wrong ladies but when you think about attractive MEN with weird noses isn't Owen Wilson the first person who comes to mind?)

I'm not going to sit here and write that some men aren't horn toads......some women are horn toads. What concerns me is that in our culture we like to imply that what every married man really wants is to have sex with a succession of women other than the one he made those stinky ole' vows to. Keep in mind I'm not saying married people never do a double take when an attractive person walks by, never look at porn, or never fantasize about people other than their spouse-but there's a big difference between Roman orgies in fantasy land and actual sex. I'm also not saying you can't have bed hopping male characters on television and film but does it have to be EVERY male character. Obviously I'm exaggerating slightly there are still lots of interesting characters that run the gamut of American male sexuality. A great example of a show that shows different sides of male behavior is How I Met Your Mother  where Barney's promiscuity (Neil Patrick Harris)  is tempered by married and super-in-love Marshall (Jason Segel)  and serial monogomist Ted (Josh Radnor). However what concerns me is that the 'man as sex crazed idiot' has become pervasive enough that it's a common archetype in advertising. Here, as an example is my least favorite commercial of all time.

What really drives me nuts about this commercial is that it could have been HILARIOUS. All the advertisers had to do was substitute a teenage boy for the middle-aged husband. No married man-I don't care how hot the plumber is- should be that desperate to see the sexy version of plumber's butt. Now I readily accept that teenage boys are horny idiots, (teenage girls are too- how else do you account for the popularity of the Twilight books), and to a fifteen year old boy the idea of clogging a toilet  to meet a Kardashian like plumber might seem like a brilliant idea.  In fact a mother who finds her adolescent son flushing inanimate objects down the drain would be mad at first---but would most likely laugh about it over time, especially if she knew it was done to meet a beautiful woman. A woman who finds her husband doing the same thing-----well, you get the idea the couple in the commercial are going to have a long talk. It's a pretty dark ending for an ad that's supposed to be humorous, then again the Hall Pass commercials are supposed to be funny too.