Ken: He's Not Gay, He's Plastic

Okay-I warned you it was going to happen and here it is .........my Ken blog. If Barbie speaks volumes on our ideas about gender roles and femininity; what does Ken say? Does he represent our ideal American man ? Probably not. Does he represent prepubescent girl's idea of manhood. Maybe. After all, creating boy dolls for little girls has always been tricky, in large part because most kids aren't that interested in playing with children their own age of the opposite sex. Of course there are exceptions, and any more pre-tweens tend to have one or two friends of  a different gender, but still mostly they hang out in groups of the same sex. Barbie's popularity, however, revolves around pretending to be grown up-and for heterosexual little girls the fantasy of adult life generally involves a boyfriend or a husband. Still- little girl's generally aren't attracted to overtly masculine dolls-they're either gross or they remind them too much of their own father's or other family members. Chest and facial hair is especially repellent to little girls which is why Chest Hair Magic Ken probably won't be in the works anytime soon. (Though Mattel has experimented with beards and sideburns as you'll see in some of the commercials below). All in all young girls are more attracted to softer looking almost effeminate looking men who appear cute but also safe and asexual. I'm referring to not only dolls but teen heartthrobs as well- even current teen icons. Take a good look at Justin Beiber, his  face is not unlike  the Ken doll of the 60s.

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You have to remember that Ken is a fashion doll, and from a business perspective his function is to sell outfits. Preferably a large number of outfits.

Okay-so the guy's a clotheshorse-so are tons of straight guys. Yet it's hard to buy early Barbie and Ken as an items. Barbie looks like a sexually mature woman-more like a thirty something Jane Mansfield than a high school junior. Ken on the other hand actually looks like a gangley teenage boy. (Remember when Miley Cyrus dated that hunky adult model when she was fifteen? ) If this isn't confusing enough Barbie and Ken's relationship became even more questionable once Midge's boyfriend Alan came into the picture.

Doesn't it seem like Ken and Allen spend more time with each other than they do with their girls? They do do "everything together". And sharing clothes? How many dudes borrow each other's threads on a regular basis. However  if you need more proof Ken and Allen's relationship is more than your average bromance take a look at Allan's packaging.

Um, so Ken and Allen are 'buddies'; it says so on the box about five hundred times-though the packaging makes me wonder what exactly the term 'buddy' means. Seriously-is this not the gayest thing you've ever seen? It looks like the cover of one of the vintage gay pulp novels where two teenage boys at summer camp discover their sexuality by experimenting with each other. ---- I'm not gonna lie, I get a little turned on thinking about it. Of course I'm looking at it through a 2011 lens, and I'm sure the dolls were never intended to be gay-but today the relationship seems about as subtle as Arthur and Eames in Inception. I totally ship it.

When Barbie got a make-over in the late 60s, so did Ken. Barbie's new face made her look younger and less um.......cosmopolitan. Ken's on the other hand made him look more manly.

I'm not sure the overhaul of Ken' appearence worked exactly the way Mattel had hoped. Now Barbie looks like a teenager-or at least a college student and Ken looks and sound like a creepy uncle. I'm not sure whether he seems gay, or straight.....personally I would say undiscriminating. I certainly would never leave him alone with Barbie, and I wouldn't let him near Skipper.

Then came the 70s which was a rough time to be a male fashion doll. Overt masculinity was in and as I stated above- manlieness doesn't play to little girls. The major sex symbol of the day was Burt Reynolds all sideburns and facial hair. Here's a little reminder of how BR looked in the 70s. Warning: It may haunt your dreams:

Obviously-that is not a look appropriate for Ken. To make matters worse- Ken had always had a potential rival for Barbie's affection, (depending on whether or not the little girl who owned him had a brother) in G.I. Joe.

Talk about butch. While Ken was stuck being an accessory to his girlfriend Joe got to have adventures and cool jobs.

I wonder if Astronaut Joe was part of the mission that went to the moon with Astronaut Barbie. (The first astronaut Joe appeared in the 60s as well). As far as I know there has never been an astronaut Ken, which means poor Ken was waiting for Barbie at home while she was probably hitting it with Astronaut Joe in space.

Now I realize I said girls don't like gruff, masculine dolls; but a boy doll is a boy doll and if Barbie and Midge need a companion for a night out-stealing Joe from your brother's room is a quick fix. Of course I could be wrong about pre pubescent girls' male doll prefences. I know several women from my mother's generation who did integrate Joes into their Barbie play. In fact, the reason Hasbro's stopped making Ken size Joes is they didn't want the doll to be confused with a 'girl toy'. Maybe there's a more sinister reason early 60s Ken was so effeminate. Perhaps Mattel wanted to 'protect' little girls from adult male sexuality. After all ,the male executives at Mattel turned down Barbie creator Ruth Handler's original idea to make Ken anatomically correct. The famous 'bump' was a compromise between a penis and painted on underwear.

Even though Ken would never be as tough (or hairy) as the Joes, Mattel has always changed with the times and they did make an effort to make Ken a more happening 70s dude.

Does anyone else find it disturbing that bearded Ken is a villain? Is he going to tie Barbie to the train tracks or what? He apparently learned nothing from the bearded Joes who had facial hair and were heroes. Still, this Rapey Bearded Ken is alot more masculine than Beiber Ken, and still less frightening than Talking Molester Ken.

Ken's brief foray into heterosexual butchitude didn't last long. The plastic hair came back and the choice of  facial hair disappeared in the 80s and early 90s. One has to wonder if the questions surrounding Ken's sexuality have to do with his choice of professions.

He's been a ballroom dancer:

An ice skater:

And a movie Star:

Now I'm not saying there aren't straight ice skaters, actors, or dancers but the ones who look like Ken generally aren't the guys who get Natalie Portman pregnant. I mean----did you see that wardrobe? He's practically a Scott Thompson Character.

Ken's butchest moment in the 80s probably came when he was in Barbie's 'Jem & The Holograms' knock-off band 'The Rockers'



Of course he's still wearing pink. Is it any wonder I think the other guy in the band is way cuter?

Then came the mid and late 90s where Mattel tried facial hair again. However this doll looked less like a cross between Warren Beatty and Burt Reynolds and more like Brian Austin Green, making him allegedly more palatable to little girls. (Did a wee Megan Fox play with this doll?)

Okay-I never watched 90210 but I do think this is one of the cutest Ken dolls ever made. Maybe it's the hair.

Like any with-it 90s dude, Ken was still in touch with his sensitive side-apparently he's a great babysitter.



Considering the age difference between Ken and his little bro I'll guess his parents are divorced and this is the child from his father's second marriage to a much younger woman. Topical indeed Mattel.

Ken-of course-being a confirmed bachelor can't have children of his own. Almost all their friends are married and yet after fifty some years of dating Barbie still refuses to tie the knot, ( though she has no problem modeling the occasional wedding dress). Midge had no qualms marrying Alan in 1991 and later having a child with him. (That pregnant Barbie Wal-mart scandal-that was actually 'Happy Family Midge' and even though she didn't have a wedding ring on she was and is still married to 'Happy Family Alan').  Indeed Barbie and Ken are the Oprah and Steadman of the toy world. Maybe Barbie's afraid if she and Ken get married then divorced  he'll take her for half of the all the money she's earned from her multitude of high paying jobs. Barbie's reluctance to walk down the isle with Ken may be one of the reason the two broke up in a much publicized PR stunt created by Mattel in 2004.

Oddly enough in a commercial for a Barbie bride doll in 2008 she appears to be marrying someone who's NOT Ken. In fact the doll's name is 'Groom doll'. WTF?

Wait a minute----isn't that the other guys from 'The Rockers'? I told you he was the cute one. However, Barbie's first rebound relationship was with a surfer named Blaine. An odd choice for an astronaut, teacher, vet, physician, movie star, president---is G.I. Joe no longer single?

Luckily for Ken  ha and Barbie did get back together this Valentine's day.http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/41534939/ns/today-today_fashion_and_beauty/ Perhaps one of the core reasons for their reconciliation was their romantic subplot in 2010's Toy Story 3. Hey even Kate Middleton and Prince William took a little break.

If that isn't love at first sight I don't know what is. Barbie and Ken may just be the most romantic Disney couple since Beauty and Beast. (In case you're wondering Ken's  in Toy Story 3 is actually 'Animal Lovin' Ken' from 1988).



Turns out Ken wasn't gay after all-just metrosexual. Sure he occasionally wears matching outfits with his girlfriend but don't Will Smith and David Beckham do the same things with their wives; and has anyone ever questioned their sexuality?  He's a sensitive guy who loves animals, his little brother, pastels and Barbie. Too bad I still ship him with Alan.