American woman have a problem-It's called the 'Princess Complex'. Seriously, if I see one more grown-ass woman talking about wanting to feel like a princess, meet her prince, be treated like a princess, or look like a princess on her wedding day I am going to punch someone in the taint. (Preferably the woman with Princess Complex). Someone needs to remind these women there is no monarchy in America-so the only way to actually be a princess is to marry foreign royalty, and off the top of my head the only two living Americans I can think of who did that were Queen Noor and Olivia Wilde. (In Wilde's case it's mostly just a title-but Noor actually had to work her butt off as a diplomat.That's right kids, being a royal is actually a job-shocker!). Why anyone would want to be an actual Princess is beyond me since historically they've been nothing more than marriage pawns, and the most famous Modern Princess of our time lived a very unhappy life and a tragic death. I understand why little girls to pretend to be princess,(PersonallyI preferred playing a Queen because I got to boss around knights and hire them out to kill dragons),but as a grown up you need to give up play time and stop wearing chintzy tiaras, unless it's Halloween. It's the same if you pretended to be a superhero as a child- you should only don a cape for the aforementioned holiday or Comic-con.
What bothers me most about the 'Princess Wedding' is it puts the emphasis on the actual event whether than the marriage itself. No wonder the divorce rate in this country is so high-women all over the country are so intent on having their perfect fairy-tale day they forget they're entering into a life long commitment with someone. Last time I checked it took two people to get married, yet if you watch any of the television shows about marriage; Say Yes To The Dress, Four Weddings, Bridezillas, etc.........you learn the grooms are generally not that important- it's the bride's party and she'll do what she wants.
Of course there's still a part of the 'Princess Complex' that relies heavily on the man. After all if you're a spoiled Daddy's girl-as many so-called Princesses are-you're going to be looking for a man to keep you either in high style, (last time I checked these women were actually called 'Gold Diggers' but whatever), or you're looking for a man with no faults because apparently you are perfect and need a mate who matches you in awesomeness. Disney has routinely been criticized for perpetuating the 'a perfect prince will come and save me' mindset to which I call bulls8*t--and not just because I'm mad about the mouse. If you look at all the Disney Princes and/or Disney Princesses' love interests you'll see complicated young men with problems of their own. They may be handsome, brave and lovable but they're all packing some serious baggage. In fact, as the Disney heroines have become more interesting and feministastic-the men have become more in need of saving. However even the early princes-like Phillip who's generally considered the bravest and handsomest of all- are weirder than we realized when we watched the film as children. This guy spyed on Aurora playing with her woodland friends before he even introduced himself. Edward Cullen anyone? Here for you now, are some of the faults and issues of our charming Princes:
Prince Charming-Creeper,probably a necrophiliac
Prince Phillip-Also a Creeper
Prince Charming 2-BORING and I'm guessing a foot fetishist.
Prince Eric- Bad swimmer, easily hypnotized.
Beast-What a temper!, and better looking as a beast than a human.(Seriously what is up with those botox lips?)
Aladdin-Uh...street rat. You just know that poor kid had to do some nasty things for money. Remember the 'Still I think he's rather tastey' lady-yep-he hit it.
Simba-He's Hamlet, 'Nuff said
John Smith-The real John Smith was a blowhard, and this John Smith was voiced by Mel Gibson so.....let's just say there's a reason she married John Rolfe.
Hercules-Sweet........but dumb.
Tarzan-Communication skills and table manners need some work.
Prince Naveen-Just a tad vain. Also-not the best work ethic.
Flynn Rider-Felon
The main instigator of the 'Princess Complex' are actually the parents of those of us in Generations Y and Z. Remember those little girls whose mommy and daddy gave them everything they wanted-well now their parents are giving the 100,000 dollar plus weddings-or-dare I say it, 'Sweet Sixteen' Parties. The 'Sweet Sixteen' parties are the worst because it's like a wedding sans groom making it the ultimate in narcissism. Even worse this seems like a purely American phenomenon, (I'm not counting La Quinceanera as a similar event since it's a cultural rite of passage), which makes us look even more like spoiled bastards to our friends abroad. Let's check out how our British cousins at BBC Four felt about MTV's Sweet Sixteen.
Guess what-he's right. How frightening is it that this is the kind of programming we're sending to foreign countries to represent America. (When I was in Canada-it seemed like the only thing on TV was another princesstastic MTV reality show: The Hills-and this was network television-not cable).
The show Sweet Sixteen is no longer a cultural phenomenon- in fact I don't even think new episodes are being filmed, but that doesn't mean ridiculously lavish 'Sweet Sixteen' parties aren't still happening. Check out this clip from a Say Yes To The Dress episode devoted exclusively to Sweet Sixteen clients.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpWL1HevBgk&playnext=1&list=PL28CAC7C8E81F7DEB
Now lest you thing things have gotten better TLC is bringing us a new show that was surely greenlit by Satan. It's called Outrageous Kid Parties-and it will undoubtedly give of us a whole new generation of self-entitled brats. I would like to remind you that this is a channel that is allegedly dedicated to "Family, Home, Style, and Cooking". Apparently the Family shows are lessons in how not to parent.
The Princess complex extends far beyond the States in my experience, and I as an uncommonly romantic man who grew up with a steady diet of Archie comics and old movie musicals, find that in general romance is considered a bit cheesy, old fashioned and frankly bewildering at times by most women today. This is often considered weird, because having a penis means you're not supposed to care about that, and if you say you do you're some lying secret misogynist nerd or hipster trying to trick women. I say all this to provide context as I state that for as manufactured, fake and anti-romance as it is, I do in fact believe in the perfect princess wedding.
ReplyDeleteMy desire for such has nothing to do with what I'd want however. Frankly I wouldn't want one, and if it were up to me the perfect wedding would be rather dialed back and reflecting of my and the brides personality (with a big ass recreation of the classic Peter Parker/Mary-Jane wedding cover), but the fact is marriage may be about the man and woman - but the wedding is about the woman, and as far as I can tell always has been.
There is not one thing to do with a modern day wedding ceremony that a man would choose. I look good in a suit, but hell I don't want to wear one unless I get a bowler hat and allowed to pretend to be John Steed.
I am convinced the entire idea of a wedding being about both parties is just lip-service, it SHOULD be, but with every wedding organisation I've seen it's just the groom playing a guessing game of 'how well I know my future bride' to come up with the right suggestions that she agrees with, because there's no way in hell the guy is getting their way in the situation anyway, and they shouldn't because the wedding part isn't the bit they care about. The bit they care about is seeing their bride happy, walk down the aisle, and then getting to go celebrate the hell out of their love. Hell even when the bride doesn't care all that much, they get tremendous pressure from the family because if it isn't their mother, it's the grandmother or their future mother-in-law who wants the lavish ceremony. Then it becomes a compromise of what the bride wants while going big enough to satiate those trying to vicariously do over their weddings through her. After all, we reason, you compromise for a day, but you get to keep the marriage so it's worth gritting through the pressures.
I hate this, because it takes something that is supposed to be an open declaration of commitment and love between two people, and makes them just actors in someone else's play - not even playing the part that should be written for them.
I always liked it in movies when the big wedding gets ruined and they commit in a tiny civil wedding or Vegas chapel. Hell Mr. Bergstrom in the bus with the runaway bride at the end of The Graduate is a lot more meaningful than 100 soap opera weddings (except the 80s ones where they get shot up in terrorist attacks). The reason is that even when those narratives suck, the point made is these people love each other and that's the important thing. It's WHY people should be getting married. It's why I always get so frustrated when people are always prattling on about how meaningless it is. It IS meaningless if you don't care about it, but there are people who do. Sure a lot of the people that do are the -ahem- princess brides and that's where the cynicism comes from, but screw those people. Those people should not be making others in love unwilling or unexcited to make the grandest of romantic gestures - a vow from your heart, in front of the people you care about and to the person you care for most.
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ReplyDeleteIt pisses me off that the theatrics of a modern wedding has made such things something to be cynical about. Divorces and all that play a part as well, but nobody who genuinely cares about the vows they're making plans to get divorced, so I can't see that as the endemic problem, but more the already perceived fragility of marriage being reinforced by the superficial bullshit being thrust into it.
However in Australia we do in fact have an example of a perfect fairytale princess. Princess Mary of Denmark is a lovely and intelligent young lady from the perceived backwater state of Tasmania who met and married the handsome crown prince of Denmark. She's beloved here and there, has a so far scandal free happy marriage and is expecting twins. She's ruining it for everyone.
As for Disney princes, you touched on it but the blank slate handsome jaw that a woman can project fantasies onto seems a lot more empowering than the Edward Cullan's of this world, wherein the vampire myth is stripped of sex and danger to teach a generation of young girls that stalkerish and jealous behavior in boys is fine if they're dreamy. Yes you too can fix the bad boy, like Marge Simpson says, any woman that says you can't change a man is just a quitter! It's fine for adults to have fantasies, but marketing self-insert erotic fan fiction to pubescent girls by taking a scalpel to the sex part AND having that guy as the main love interest is just off. Boys, like girls, may not listen when they know the attractive person they're interested in is nuts, but at no point is the woman who boils bunnies been considered the IDEAL for us (Well okay, Drusilla on Buffy was pretty close personally), and it's seems pretty shitty to market that to anyone in primary school.
R.l. Stine made me have a thing for a cold hearted unfeeling ghost chick once, but that's completely different, doesn't count and totally doesn't reflect on any women I've dated....<_<
But for all this, just don't be too ashamed of the American media you're sending out. The world likes that the conservative minded of you thinks America is the best, and the liberal minded of you think you're the best at being the worst. We get to make fun of the former, and the former lets us feel falsely superior all while gobbling up everything you chew out, and then remaking it. On Aussie TV you can find the American, Aussie, NZ and UK versions of Next Top Model all airing at the same time after all. There's spoiled brats and would-be Jerry Springer contestants everywhere, and there always has been. It's not like Jane Austen never wrote about stuck up over privileged bitches for our entertainment.
The heart of what really bugs me about the typical princess wedding, and weddings overall is that the bride gets a theme song to walk down the aisle with, where the hell is mine? I want a theme song!